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So I will not give you any advice, but if you don't mind, I will tell you what my 10 years as a middle school teacher and school counsellor taught me: I know that if a boy and girl want to spend time together, they will, parents permission or not, whether they go to the same school together or not, whether they live in the same city or not. I know that your child wants you to know what is going on with her.

Offer to drive them to the movie (somebody has to if they are only 14, right? (Not near them.) When my son was younger most of his friends found this OK, as long as I didn't talk to them or act like I knew them. And then today I read your request, I guess it is what moms go through. I know that you are very blessed to have an open relationship with your child.

Talk to him and ask him questions about school, what he likes to do, what does his family like to do together, etc.

If she has to blame it on me for the early pick up thats fine. That sets the pace for later when she or he is able to drive. My daughter asked me once when she would be allowed to go out with the kids she hung around with. BUT I wish that my mom would have said NO, you can't see him anymore. NO you can't go out to the movies alone with boys at 15 yrs old. The other day she came home from school kind of asking me to go to the movies with a boy. By the time I was 17 I was involved with a man, not a boy, and I knew it was ok because my mom let me - and she told me she understood what it was like to be in love, and she didn't want to forbid me to see him because then I'd be sneaking out to see him anyway.... He turned out to be a very stand up guy who married me and now we have a wonderful life together and the age difference doesn't matter now in our 30s.... I know that when a child asks her/his parents for permission to "date" it is not only about going out with the girl/boy, they are also asking, "do you trust me? I will not give you advice as I do not know your family, your values, nor do I understand your relationship with your daughter. I know that the more parents try to keep their children young, the more their friends may pressure them to grow up. I know that you are in a position to open the communication for ALL her dating experiences.

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That doesn't mean they will be banned from talking to members of the other sex, or going out to do fun things with boys and girls - but it does mean that I will operate out of knowledge and giving them a safe and healthy adult life and not operating out of fear and trying to keep them happy in the moment as teenagers so often want to feel.

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